A Farewell
I haven’t updated this tumblr in a few weeks (though I have been stalking other tumblrs) and I’ve realized that it’s time for me to say farewell to all updates. I’m on pinterest now, and I’m a lot happier. I mention the happy thing, because tumblr was always a place where I voiced my frustrations and disappointments and I don’t really have them to the same extent any more. Anyway, before I leave, I have a few last things that I want to muse upon for a bit. So here it goes.
We can lose sight of ourselves sometime. I definitely lost sight of myself somewhere in early 2011 and didn’t really get a good grasp again until recently. Everything that I prided myself upon in the summer of 2010- emotional stability, ability to be a good friend, maturity, having a clear vision, logical thinking, etc.- seemed to disappear from my moral repertoire by 2011. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. I had my first breakdown, I completely jeopardized multiple friendships, I put my own fleeting wants before the needs of friends. I was irrational, scattered, and completely at sea about the future in a lot of respects. To put it simply, I was a hot mess minus the hot. I’m a easy, put together, rational person. But I wasn’t that person at all in 2011. And I apologize to all the people I hurt along the way. But I also found myself again, as cliche as that sounds. And while I look back upon 2011 as a horrible, horrible year until about November, I know that I’m better because of it. I know who I am a lot more now.
What doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger. Scars are stories, and stories are almost always lessons. The worst things that happen to us have a funny way of making us ten times better.
Happiness is weird. You find it in the strangest places. When you go looking for it, it runs away. But when you expect to just be content with something, that’s when it smothers you. I’m not saying that I’m completely happy right now (I doubt I ever will be). I’m just saying that I’m happier than I have been for a very long time, maybe even ever. And I never, ever expected to be happy while I was in high school.
There are some people who are simply meant to be in your life. And no matter how many times you decide that they’re not going to be a part of it, you’ll never get rid of them. They’re there for a reason, even if you can’t always see it. As one of my favorite bands said, “some things are far too good to go ahead and let go.” An old saying says that if you love something, you should let it go. But if feelings are mutual, you’ll never be able to fully get rid of them.
Sometimes, you only get a few moments of your life with an extraordinary person. Learn to recognize those people and those moments, and make the most of them.
Things never really go as planned. But that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, they turn out really really fun. And the best moments I’ve ever had have been completely random and unplanned. Plus, if you had told me two years ago that I would be where I am right now, I would have laughed in your face. But I’m kinda partial to my path at the moment.
And I guess the last thing I want to say is that the universe has a really twisted sense of humor, and it’s easier if you just learn to laugh along.
